i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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