so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
