i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
