My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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