my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
