Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
