Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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