i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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