my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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