areolas are like halos for boobs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
