that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
