Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
