driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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