You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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