my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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