Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
