Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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