You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
