apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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