I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
