I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
