I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just high enough for therapy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
