Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
