end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
