The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
