First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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