So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the room spins SO much faster in panama
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
