You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
