You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
