Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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