Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there's paper in my vomit.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
