Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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