you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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