Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
