don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
