Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
