God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
