I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
