Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
