If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's get the cat blown out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
