Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
