New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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