i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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