So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
