You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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