we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
