my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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