he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
