I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
