tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
