Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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