Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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