i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
