i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
