is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
