I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
